Tracy (misstracy) wrote,

Migraine hell, and other updates

I've been working quite a bit of OT lately but this week only worked my expected 3 days. So, I have four days off which should be a nice thing.

Last night was my first night off and unfortunately it was migraine hell. I would say the very worst I've ever had, but when you're in the middle of a bad migraine, each one feels like the worst. I was in pain, I couldn't stand light nor sound nor touch (my skin got super sensitive and everything from blankets to clothes to air moving at all made me want to cry), couldn't sleep, was nauseated and vomiting (or "vomicky", as most of my patients say for some reason), meds took forever to kick in and I swear made me feel worse, etc. etc. I finally sorta slept and had horrible dreams that had me waking up sobbing and unable to stop even though I was completely aware these were only dreams. Finally, maybe around 7am (my normal think-about-bed-time) I think I did fall asleep. Had some funky work dreams, was still in some pain but it was much more tolerable, but more or less did sleep. Until about 2 pm. Still with a headache but it's manageable. But with that post migraine (or post migraine med?) haze about me. Tried OTC meds. Tried coffee. Now with a soda. We'll see if I'm human again by the time M gets home in the next hour.

Work is still good. As mentioned, lots of OT lately. Extra shifts for extra money, plus some extra time with committee meetings, staying late to help with short-staffed mornings, and other misc "good employee" stuff.

All in all... I loooove my job! It's just so crazy and different every day and challenging and I'm STILL learning *so* much every day. It's a little hard on the ego because I just feel so stupid some days. But, that is making me into all the better nurse and practitioner and all around better person.

I recently got my TNCC (trauma nurse) certification, so that feels good. Now I just have to wait for the next round of WakeMed's trauma course to take, and then go through actual trauma orientation. Of course, that may have to wait until I go through triage classes first. We shall see.

I'm complimented regularly for my work, particularly as a still very new nurse. I'm doing very well for someone with only a year under her belt. I look forward to really developing all the more.

Mike is doing really well in school, don't let him tell you any differently. It's great fun to watch him enjoy it so much and do so well in it. He's actually off teaching right now, basically. Running a study group for some folks who are not understanding what comes naturally to him. In his imaging class, it is very math and physics heavy, and certainly has a photography side to it, too. Basically, completely up his alley. He is acing this stuff while others are failing, so he has been tagged as the go-to guy. It's very impressive, even though he probably doesn't much like the attention from his classmates nor from me in this post. ;)

We're doing well, too. We don't see each other enough, in our opinions, mostly due to scheduling hell. We try to sync our schedules but swear our bosses are collaborating and plotting against us. Oh well. Someday it will be better. We have the next few days off together (well, he has to work tomorrow night), so it feels like a wonderful treat.

In general, I have found that I have become much more quiet and (even more) introspective and just...well, not wanting to expend energy on mindless chatter and definitely not gossipy stuff. Some of this has its place. Mindless chatter could easily be socializing, which is a good thing. But...well, I'm just feeling quiet. Which is really weird in this time of year when things are starting to open up a bit more. Then again, it's early in the wheel, so perhaps I'm just a late bloomer this year.

In general, I just like being home with M, reading my stack of books, listening to a bit of music and just contemplating life. It's not all that deep or active of work, but it's nice and fits me now. So, that's what I'm doing.

Perhaps it's just that work has me interacting so much and at such involved levels with so many people. Perhaps it's because I've been unplugging from life. No more actual tv, although I do have a few shows I'm still watching online. Very little online chatter stuff like actual chat or even LJ. I keep my conversations with others geared toward the positive or neutral. Hearing someone at work bitch about another coworker (with no actual action on their part to resolve anything) or listening to complaints on LJ or just expending precious energy on negativity in whatever way feels all the more useless than it ever has. Go figure.

There are still so many more things I want to be doing with my time. Gardening is picking up. House organization/decluttering/simplifying remains ongoing. Time with family has been a bigger priority and we've been having more dinners and such with everyone. My spiritual life could use a bit more focus or active attention. M and I are working on increasing the sensuality and passion in our lives, which for me means anything from working together to make tasty meals we enjoy together or working through some tantra material together.

We're approaching the one year anniversary of our wedding which is mind boggling. That day remains one of the very best in my life. Not because of the pretty dresses or the flowers or the cake or even the wonderful party (and damn, it was a good party!), but because of the energy of that day. We worked so very hard and long and lovingly and joyfully on our intent for the day and for our marriage that every picture we have reminds me completely of that energy and my happiness with him and our joy together and just makes me beam everytime I think of it. I can't see how it could have been a better day. Although my memories of everyone there certainly add to the joy of my memories, there is this feeling that there was no one there except for us and that that was all we needed. I'm so glad we had as many people there as we did to witness our bond, but...well, in some ways all I really remember is just the two of us there together, wrapped up in this amazing bubble-circle of perfect love, with each second together stretching out to feel like years. It's a strange feeling. But a wonderful one. It may sound corny to say it was "the best day of my life", and perhaps to many who hear such a statement they think it's all about some superficial white-gown-love or overblown little girl dream of perfectly chosen colors and diamonds and cake flavors, but... It's just not that. For some, perhaps it is. But I should hope that anyone who is joined to another someone(s) feels this same way whether they spoke their promises dressed in ivory at a pond's edge, at the county jail in front of a magistrate, at a 5-min Baptist ceremony in a church, or in their living room with no one but them to seal themselves to each other, and so forth. The details surrounding them most certainly don't matter, so long as those details reflect the spirit of the individuals making the promises in some way or another.

Anyway... This post has probably been far too much chatter for me, so I think I best return to my soda and hope my haze soon washes over and off of me. We're having some blue-cheese stuffed burgers tonight, so I think I'll go work on preparing them while I await M's return from clinical and his study group.

Hope everyone is well and living the blessed life!
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